Chapter 1
“See ya later, Honey!” The old woman smiled fondly as she watched the young woman run outside, letting the screen door bang shut behind her. Felicia had called the old woman honey since she first learned to talk, mistaking the endearment the older woman called the child for the woman’s name. By the time she was old enough to know the difference, the name had stuck. Honey parted the faded blue and white checked curtains, and frowning, watched as the younger woman jumped into the honking pickup truck waiting outside. She sighed and turned away, back to the kitchen. How many times had she told Felicia that a properly brought up young lady shouldn’t be running and slamming doors, much less jumping into trucks whose drivers didn’t have the decency to come in instead of waiting outside honking? Felicia would be twenty-one tomorrow and the old woman hadn’t mentally prepared her mind, or her heart, to let go of the girl she had raised from infancy.
She glanced around the old farm kitchen, taking in the battered cabinets which were painted a brilliant white, the scuffed blue speckled linoleum on the floor, the old wooden table, stained and marred, and the four-mismatched kitchen chairs. She sighed again and thought of the life that Felicia had been born into. A life of wealth and servants. Not this poor one on a lonely dirt road off a little traveled highway. She plunged her hands into a sink of hot sudsy water and dirty dishes. Somehow the mindless repetition of washing dishes always soothed her.
How would Felicia react tomorrow to the secret the old woman had kept to herself all these years? A secret made with a promise. She looked out the kitchen window towards the woods at the rear of the house. Was she watching? The woman who had given up her child so many years ago? The woman who lived alone in a small woodcutter's shack deep in the trees? Was she also thinking of the fulfillment of that long ago promise? The woman shrugged her shoulders and, the dishes done, dried her hands on the worn yellow apron she wore.
She made her way to her room at the rear of the house. She had walled the screen porch in and given the only bedroom in the house to the infant she had raised. A sacrifice she made willingly. She walked over to the dresser on which sat the usual assortment of powders and feminine necessities and opened a small jewelry box. In doing so, she caught her reflection in the mirror. She saw little resemblance of her younger self. Instead, she saw a plump sixty-year old woman with hair that had once been blond and was now faded and yellowed. The blue eyes shining back at her from the wrinkled face were the only features unchanged. They were still bright and shining with God’s love. She smiled at the reflection and shook off the melancholy mood that was threatening to overwhelm her. Tomorrow was in the Lord’s hands. She removed a small key from the jewelry box and closed the lid.
Slowly, she climbed the small flight of stairs to the second level, wanting to be finished with her search before Felicia returned home. In the short hall, she reached up and, taking hold of a rope above her head, pulled down a wooden ladder that led up into the dark attic. Laboriously, she climbed the ladder, wishing again she were younger when times called for her to make this climb. Reaching the top, she stopped to catch her breath and pulled the chain hanging above her head to turn on a small bare light bulb. The light cut dimly through the dusty darkness, and she walked towards the far end of the attic where a chest lay buried beneath old books and worn winter coats. Dust flew, making her sneeze as she unburied the chest and opened the lid. One by one she lifted out mementos of Felicia’s childhood. A pink ruffled baby dress the size of a doll’s gown, an old porcelain doll with sparse hair and a chipped nose, old report cards, a wrinkled taffeta prom dress, and Felicia’s first pair of shoes. She set these carefully aside and brought out an old cigar box decorated with brightly painted macaroni noodles. Inside was a letter that had waited for Felicia to read on her twenty-first birthday. A letter that would answer the many questions that Felicia had asked while growing up. It would answer the old questions and bring up a lot of new ones. The old woman glanced at her watch and noted how quickly the time had flown by. Keeping out the cigar box, she hurriedly replaced the precious items of a bygone time.
“Honey! Where are you?”
“Be right down, Felicia.” Taking the box with her, Honey made the slow climb back down the ladder.
Felicia met her at the bottom, hands on her hips. “What are you doing up there?” she demanded. “That’s too difficult of a climb for you. I would’ve gone up and gotten down anything you needed.” Felicia noticed the box in Honey’s hand and smiled. “What are you doing with that old thing?”
“Never you mind,” the older woman told her, putting the ladder back up out of the way. “It’s for tomorrow,” she added, walking past Felicia and into her room.
“OK,” Felicia said. “I’ll humor you. Guess what I did today.”
“I’m too old for guessing games.”
“No, you’re not.” Felicia followed her into the room and flopped belly first across the bed. She ran her hand lovingly over the faded, old quilt that Honey had made. “Come on. I’m humoring you. Now you can humor me.”
“Oh, all right.” Honey sat on the bed beside her. “You went into town.”
“Well, that’s obvious. You’ve got to do better than that. Where did I go when I was in town?”
Honey smiled. “Judging by the envelope sticking out of your back pocket, my guess is the post office.”
Felicia laughed and reached behind her to retrieve the envelope. “You cheated. Here, read it.”
Honey took the envelope and withdrew the letter inside. As she read, her smile widened. Felicia interrupted excitedly, talking fast. “I got accepted for the position at the children’s home I applied for. I’ll only be an assistant to start, but they’ll help me with college expenses, and someday, if I want, I can have a teaching position there or go on into social services. What do you think about that?” She noticed the smile fade on the dear old woman’s face. “Why, Honey! What’s wrong? Aren’t you happy for me?”
Honey rose from the bed and walked over to the window. She parted the lace sheer curtains, and sighed. “I just hate to see you leave the safety of this old house. I’ll miss my little honey girl.” She extended a hand out to Felicia, who grasped it firmly.
“I’ll miss you, too. But this is the opportunity I’ve been praying for. You can’t keep me a little girl forever. Besides, I’ll be extra careful,” she said, kissing the old woman on the cheek. She laughed. “I promise I won’t talk to strangers. I won’t even look at them.” She pulled Honey away from the window. “We’ve been through this before. I don’t understand why you’re so afraid. You’re the one who taught me I was never alone. That God is always with me. Remember?”
Honey smiled and smoothed the long hair back from the girl’s face. “I know He is. It’s just an old woman’s foolishness. Things will be clearer to you someday. Let’s go start dinner. Is Michael coming back later?”
Felicia frowned. “Unfortunately. He’s getting to be a real pest. I’m beginning to feel suffocated when he’s around.” Felicia slipped her arm through the older woman’s, and they walked together to the kitchen.
“I thought you enjoyed keeping company with him.”
Felicia opened the cabinet door above the kitchen counter and removed the dishes they would need for dinner, frowning again when she counted out the third plate. “I used to. Lately he’s gotten so serious and very possessive. Saying that it’s 'high time' I settled down with him so we could start our own family.” She lowered her voice to imitate a man. “Twenty-one is on the downslide as far as marriage goes. How Neanderthal!” She set the dishes on the table and began savagely ripping the lettuce for a salad. “Where does he get his ideas? He’s known since high school that I’ve wanted to teach underprivileged children. This job could be the beginning of my dream.”
Honey softly placed her hand over Felicia’s. “Don’t take it out on the poor lettuce, dear. It’s on your side. Michael is only echoing the views of ninety-nine percent of the male population in this small town. He’ll get used to the idea once your bags are packed and you’re on your way.”
Felicia placed another kiss on the wrinkled cheek. “You always know just what to say. How did you get so smart?” she teased. Her frown returned as she saw the old blue Chevy driving up the lane leading to their house. “Well, speaking of the devil. The big man is here.”
Honey laughed. “Don’t call him the devil. Go sit on the porch with him. I can handle dinner. And be nice,” she added as Felicia left the room. “Don’t want to spoil anyone’s dinner,” she muttered under her breath.
“All right,” Felicia called back over her shoulder. She slammed the screen door behind her and yelled back an apology. The older woman shook her head and smiled.
Michael stood beside his truck, watching Felicia as she walked quickly towards him. He took in the long, almost black hair clipped up off her neck, the long legs encased in the faded denim jeans, and the way her violet eyes sparkled in the fading, evening light. She was beautiful, he told himself. Felicia’s height was the only thing that bothered him as far as her looks went. He was five foot ten inches tall, and they stood eye to eye. The only other complaint he had was her stubborn independence. He was determined to straighten her out tonight. She needed someone like him to help her see where her priorities should be.
“Hello, Michael.”
He pulled her roughly into his arms. “Hello, doll.” Felicia pushed herself away from him and stepped back. “What’s wrong now?” He asked, scowling. “We’re not playing that stupid game again, are we?”
“It’s not a game. I’ve told you that you’re moving too fast. I want you to slow down.”
“Slow down! We’ve been dating since our junior year in high school. I’ve made myself content with little chaste kisses and hand holding, but gee whiz, girl! We’re twenty-one years old for Christ’s sake. Act your age! You’ve got to be the only twenty-one year old virgin in the whole state of California!”
“Don’t talk like that. You know I don’t like it.” She turned away.
“Like what?”
“You know, plus you’re yelling.” She began walking toward the porch.
“I am not yelling.” He quickened his pace to catch up with her. “Maybe you should yell once in a while. Get the blood flowing. Put some life into that cold, hard shell you call a body.”
“Why should I act my age, as you say, if it means giving up the things I believe in? Let’s use your own words, Michael. Shall we?” She turned to face him, hands on her hips. “Ok. We’ve been dating for a long time. You know how I am. Why do you stick around?”
“Because--it’s fate. You’re my destiny. Besides, I kind of like having the most gorgeous girl in town hanging on my arm. I thought you would get over your Puritan ideas.”
“You’re serious, aren’t you?” Felicia shook her head. “Fate, huh?” She slid her arm through Michael's. “Your parents introduced us. Let’s not fight. Dinner’s almost ready, and we can talk some more afterwards, all right?”
“For a kiss.”
“Michael...”
“Just one of your little Puritan kisses.”
Felicia laughed and quickly placed a kiss on his lips. She jumped back, laughing. “Like that?”
“That was the worst yet.” Michael laughed with her and reached out to grab her. Felicia sprinted towards the house. Michael quickly caught up with her, and they collapsed, laughing, on the front porch swing.
Felicia set the swing in motion with her foot and took a deep breath. “You can’t see or hear the ocean from here, but sometimes, when the wind is just right, I can smell it.”
Michael placed his arm along the back of the swing behind her. “It’s half a mile away.”
“I know.”
Honey interrupted them with a call to dinner, and the two rose to join her. Dinner was relaxed, with the three making small conversation. Soon Honey rose to serve dessert.
“So, what’s up for tomorrow?” Michael asked, as she reentered the room. The question was directed at Felicia, but Michael’s gaze met Honey’s. The older woman’s face paled.
“Not much,” Felicia answered, reaching out to take the strawberries and whipped cream from Honey. “Why?”
“It’s your birthday. Twenty-one. Should be a big celebration. A party or something.”
“Oh, Michael. You want to turn everything into a party.”
“Hey, Ms. Davis. How about I pick Felicia up tomorrow for a night on the town?” He directed his attention back to Honey. “Show her a little of the nightlife, huh? Maybe-- not bring her back. Initiate her in the finer points of life.” The words were teasing, but Michael’s gaze was stony as his eyes met the old woman’s.
Honey flinched and looked away. “Let’s wait and see what Felicia wants to do, shall we?”
Felicia missed the exchange between the other two as she began passing around the dessert dishes. “Michael, you shouldn’t tease Honey like that.” She smiled at the other woman. “I think I’d like to spend a quiet evening at home with Honey. How about a rain check?”
Still looking at the old woman, he answered, “Sure. After all, it’s your birthday.”
Honey rose a few minutes later and began clearing off the dishes. “Why don’t the two of you go back and sit on the porch for a while? It’s a beautiful night. I’ll finish up here and head off to bed.”
“Are you all right?” Felicia asked, concerned. “You look a little pale.”
“Of course, dear. Just feeling my age. You two go on now.”
“Come on, Felicia,” Michael urged. Felicia nodded and followed him back out to the swing. They settled back into their familiar positions, each reclining against opposite ends of the swing.
“I’ve got something for you,” Michael told her. He started to reach into the pocket of his jeans.
Felicia sat up and turned away. “Let’s not, Michael. Not right now.”
“Felicia. You’re grown now. I’m a man. I have to think of our future. I have needs that need to be fulfilled, and I want to marry you.” He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face him. “I saw the cutest little house down the road from my parents. It would be perfect for us.”
Felicia pulled away and stood up. “I’ve told you I want to work with underprivileged children. I’m not ready for marriage.”
“You can work with our kids.”
“Michael. It’s not just that. You don’t believe in the same things I do. Your dreams aren’t my dreams, and you have never said one word about loving me. Just that we belong together. Sometimes, I feel like I’m your job or--something. How can you marry someone without love?”
“Dreams!” Michael exploded. “You’re basing your life on fairy tales!”
“What about the love, Michael?” Felicia walked to the end of the porch. “What--about--the--love?” She sighed and turned back to him. “I got a letter today. I applied for a position at a children’s home in Sacramento and got accepted. I start next Monday.”
“Without discussing it with me!” He snapped.
“I told you I was going to apply.”
“I didn’t think you were serious!” Michael got up and began to pace the porch. Seeing Honey peering at them from behind the front room curtains, Michael jumped off the porch and pulled Felicia with him. Putting his arms on each side of her, he pinned her against the house. “You don’t do anything without consulting me,” he told her, his face close to hers.
“It’s really none of your business,” Felicia told him.
“You are my business! You have always been my business!” He slammed a fist into the house. “I 've given up my life on you. I grew up being told that I was to watch over you. Keep you in my sights.”
“What are you talking about? Michael, you're starting to scare me.” Felicia tried to duck under his arms, and Michael pushed her roughly back.
“You are my business,” he told her slowly.
“That’s your problem!” Felicia slapped his hands away. “Michael, I really don’t think this relationship is going to work. I hate to end it this way, but I think you need to go. I don’t think we should see each other any more.”
Michael struggled to compose himself. “All my life I’ve been told what a great match we would make. We're perfect for each other; my parents told me. Everyone expects us to marry.” He turned roughly away. “What do I tell my parents now?”
“Tell them whatever you want. Tell them that you dumped me.” Felicia began walking back to the porch.
Michael grabbed her arm. “My parents will have me killed if I let you get away.”
“You’re exaggerating. Your parents won’t kill you. What is wrong with you? Why are you acting this way? Stop it! You’re hurting me!” She struggled to release her arm.
“I didn’t say they would kill me.” Michael let go of her arm and took hold of her hand. “I’m sorry. Tonight just hasn't gone the way I planned.” He began walking back to his truck. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“I’d rather you didn’t.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Felicia slowly climbed the stairs of the porch and without looking back, entered the house, closing the door quietly behind her. Michael watched her from the seat of his truck. He cursed and slammed his fist against the steering wheel several times until the pain became almost unbearable. Then, slamming his foot on the gas pedal, he sped away, flinging gravel behind him.
Honey looked up from her mending as Felicia entered the room. “I heard raised voices so I thought I'd stay up a while to see if you needed me. Is everything all right?”
Felicia nodded. “You know Michael. He can be pretty immature sometimes.”
“Oh, I think he knows exactly what he’s doing.”
Felicia leaned against the wall. “I told him tonight that I didn’t want to see him again. He’s still talking marriage and gets mad when I say I’m not ready. There’s so much I want to do before I settle down, and Michael’s faith isn’t the same as mine. I’m not sure what his faith is.” Felicia sighed. “He was talking really strange tonight.”
Honey lay her mending in her lap. She removed her glasses from her nose and asked, “Do you love him, Felicia?”
She shrugged. “No--I don’t think so. At least not the way I imagine I would feel about the man I want to marry someday. He used to be such a good friend.” She sighed again and pushed away from the wall. “I’m going to bed. I’m beat. Michael said he’d call again tomorrow, so I’ll need to be rested up to deal with him, I think.” She bent over and kissed Honey’s forehead. “Good night, Honey. I do know that I love you.”
“Good night dear. I love you, too.” Honey watched Felicia disappear up the stairs to her room and allowed a tear to course its way down her weathered cheek. She lifted her heart in prayer for tomorrow as she folded her mending to be put away. She carried the basket of mending with her to the kitchen and peered into the darkness before closing the curtains against the night. Was she watching? The woman from the woods. Was she ready for tomorrow?